My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
