It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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