Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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