I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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