I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
