There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
