Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
