did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
