well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
