you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
