You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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