Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
