It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
