You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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