so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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