the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
