I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've blown a few things in my day
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
