Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
