i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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