so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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