I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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