i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
