Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
