he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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