Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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