How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
