Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
one two three fourrrrnication!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
