That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
