i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
