It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
