i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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