I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she told me i tasted like america
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
