and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
