ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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