If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize