Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
