You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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