I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
