Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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