so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
