umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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