Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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