would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
