I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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