I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
