You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
