im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
