i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
