She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
