I wish I could teleport
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
