when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
