her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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