I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
