Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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