my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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