i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
