He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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